Oprah and I have a lot in common

By IAN GILLESPIE

Although I haven't read the new, much-ballyhooed biography about her, it's clear that I have a lot in common with Oprah Winfrey. (It's also clear that I love the word "ballyhoo." Just saying it makes me smile. Go ahead and try it: "Ballyhoo." There. Don't you feel better?)

But as I was saying, there are a lot of similarities between Oprah and I.

And I'm not simply referring to the fact that we both have two-syllable first names, and we're both media bigwigs. (That's my picture at the top of this column, you know. Really. That's me. I'm serious.) No, it's much, much more than that.

For instance, according to those who've read Kitty Kelley's book about Oprah, her employees at Harpo Productions are forbidden from discussing their jobs with anyone. Well, I don't run a company. And I don't have any employees. But I'm married, and my wife never lets me talk about my job.

In fact, whenever I try to tell her how my day at work went, my wife says, "Quit your whining." Or, "Tell somebody who cares." And sometimes, God bless her, "I could've married that guy Steve, you know." And that's not all.

According to the new biography, Oprah's mother doesn't have her phone number and must reach Oprah through an assistant. Well, I always tell my kids to answer the phone. And if it's my mother-in-law, I run outside and start mowing the lawn (even in winter), so that my kids (or as I like to tell Revenue Canada, my "assistants") aren't lying when they say I'm busy.

Also in the biography, Oprah's half-sister says Oprah worked as a prostitute when she was a

teenager. Well, when I was seven years old, I paid a girl to kiss me. Her name was Margie Hughes and the kiss cost 25 cents, but really, I don't think it would be fair to Margie Hughes if we revealed any details. So let's just say Margie lives somewhere in Ontario (at 324 Wandering Willow Lane in Ottawa), works at the New Look Positive Change Hair Fantasy Esthetic Creations beauty salon (she's usually at the third chair from the window), gained a lot of weight after her fourth kid and enjoys her gin and tonics.

And let's just leave it at that.

Here's another thing: The biography says Oprah once dated former Entertainment Tonight anchor John Tesh. Well, I once dated a woman who owned Tesh's album, Garden City.

The new biography also reveals Oprah's Aunt Katherine accuses Oprah of lying about her upbringing. And that when her aunt confronted her about this, Oprah replied, "The truth is boring, Aunt Katherine. People don't want to be bored. They want stories with drama."